Ramblings of a Crazy Sane Man
|
|
The Age Old Hotdog Question
|
|
I am here to finally tell you the mystery of why hotdogs are sold in packages of 10 and buns in packages of eight. In every person a small chip is placed under the skin of the neck, this chip sends a signal directly up the brainstem to the cerebrum. This signal makes you subconsciously match up certain hotdogs with certain buns. In each bun there is a chip that corresponds to a chip in each dog. When properly paired, this hotdog & bun sends a signal to the secret government satalite, this activates the so-called "Global Positioning System", which is in actuallity little more than a weapon with deadly accuracy. Once you consume the hotdog-bun combined chip, this GPS permanately has you under survalience. If you try to remove your chip (rendering the other two chips useless) it will fire a stimulator beam. This causes all the potential energy in your body to expend itself, resulting in spontaniuous human cumbustion. They will also fry you if you step out of line. I managed to remove my chip by shooting up on morphine and freezing my body, then my friend removed it with a pair of pliars. So I have been freed...please take the inititive and remove your chip (make sure to reduce the energy of your body!)
|
|
The Val Kilmer Paradox
|
|
Val Kilmer, a seemingly harmless actor with apparent talent. His first movie, Batman Forever, was a desent movie as a whole. However after his dubut into acting he became disgruntled. He began invading movies that he was never in. It was small things first, he slipped into the role of Chris Knight (Real Genius) while no one was looking...it wasn't much, but it only was the beggining. Next he tore into the role of Iceman (Top Gun), this was a bigger movie, so it was a much greater offense. Then he kept invading and slipping into movies he didn't belong in. Finally he went to far when he jumped into the role of MadMartigan (Willow), then the mighty one...who has been in every movie that ever existed swept down and cast him out with the words: "Woe to thout who hast invaded that which is not thine! For I, the Bacon of Kevin hath come to put thee in thine place! I hath conquered more movies than thout in my day, and they shalt crush you!" Then a graboid, Mrs. Voorhees, and an Apollo spacecraft made him utterly dead. Later he was replaced by a Kevin Bacon clone that had extensive vocal and plastic surgery to look and sound just like Kilmer.
|
|
The Meaning of Life is 42
|
|
For Nanillions of millenia people have been asking the question "Why is Andy Kaufman such an ass? And why is Latka so cool? And why haven't they ever been seen together at the same time?". Well, I have the answer right here...it is, FORTY-TWO!!!! Yes fourty-two is the the answer to Life, the Universe, and Everything! Those of you who have read HGttG know what I speak of. Long ago a super-intellegent race of pan-dimensional beings built a giant supercomputer named Deep Thought, it was built to calculate the meaning of Life, the Universe, and Everything. For seven and a half million years, Deep Thought computed and calculated, and in the end announced that the answer was in fact Forty-two. This almightily perfect number is indeed the correct response to everything. I have not failed a test ever since I learned this, no really...well, only the multipule choice ones...DAMN YOU MULTIPULE CHOICE!!!!!!!! YOU DEFY THE LAWS OF THE UNIVERSE ITSELF!!!!!!
|
| Favorite Links
|
| �
|
|
Back
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|